My Blue Velvet

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:26 PM 

Here I sit frozen in the middle of midtown because the library wouldn't let me take my coffee inside.

Stubbornly, I have decided to sit outside and complete my work while simultaneously trying to manage a healthy body temperature

Of course, I have no service as I am awfully far from the nypl wifi and have been subjected to writing on my notes app (peasantry)

it wasn’t until I enabled myself to release my notebooks that I felt a vibration from my phone

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:30 PM 

I didn't deem it urgent because my studies always come first

except for now

this time you come first

I can't even write in a way that you’d accept

not obscure enough

where’s that enigma that I always talk about

god I can't do this

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:32 PM 

after about two minutes I checked my phone because I got bored of staring at the disappearing pencil

what?

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:36 PM 

Your name is always in the headlines

why wouldn’t it be

they love you, we all do

for decades you managed to butcher every single one of us

but I knew

I knew that this was something different

the time had come

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:44 PM 

I didn’t have time to repay the favor

Since when do you, sir, let time control anything that you’ve ever done in your existential life?

The answer is never

you control time

why did you let it happen

why

Thursday, January 16th, 2025 — 1:57 PM 

this is unprecedented in its totality

we weren’t ready. We aren’t ready

and to think that you were ever going to see me

hear my lips

here I go again with the sense

I need to stop

that is what you have taught me

to lose it

lose it and then create

not the other way around

Christ, you have my head

may we meet again

in the garden of thorns

behind the red curtains

amidst the blue rays

goodbye for tonight